Reframing our goals as parents is one of the most effective and quickest ways to see wins and changes where we might not have before.
𝗪𝗵𝗲𝗻 𝘄𝗲 𝗺𝗮𝗸𝗲 𝗶𝘁 𝘁𝗵𝗿𝗼𝘂𝗴𝗵 𝗮 𝘁𝗮𝗻𝘁𝗿𝘂𝗺 𝗼𝗿 𝗺𝗲𝗹𝘁𝗱𝗼𝘄𝗻 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵𝗼𝘂𝘁 𝗷𝗼𝗶𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗶𝗻 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵 𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗰𝗵𝗶𝗹𝗱 (𝘆𝗲𝗹𝗹𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘁𝗵𝗿𝗲𝗮𝘁𝘀, 𝘁𝗵𝗿𝗲𝗮𝘁𝗲𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘁𝗼 𝘁𝗮𝗸𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗴𝘀 𝗮𝘄𝗮𝘆, 𝗴𝗲𝘁𝘁𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗹𝗼𝘂𝗱), 𝘄𝗲 𝗰𝗮𝗻 𝗳𝗲𝗲𝗹 𝗺𝗼𝗿𝗲 𝗰𝗼𝗻𝗻𝗲𝗰𝘁𝗲𝗱 𝘁𝗼 𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗰𝗵𝗶𝗹𝗱𝗿𝗲𝗻. 𝗪𝗵𝗲𝗻 𝘄𝗲 𝗳𝗲𝗲𝗹 𝗺𝗼𝗿𝗲 𝗰𝗼𝗻𝗻𝗲𝗰𝘁𝗲𝗱, 𝘄𝗲 𝗳𝗲𝗲𝗹 𝗺𝗼𝗿𝗲 𝗷𝗼𝘆 𝗶𝗻 𝗽𝗮𝗿𝗲𝗻𝘁𝗶𝗻𝗴.⠀
I am a mom of two young girls. And I am lucky enough to be a parent to a VERY SPICY three year old who has taught me that no one knows my child like I do, and while people have lots of offerings, only I can implement them in a way that “works” for her. ⠀
This was the first step, defining what it meant for me to have a successful tantrum or an extreme dysregulation that is working. ⠀
And it’s simple! If I stay regulated, we get to put that in the winning column. ⠀
What’s not simple, is how we stay regulated during those loud, intense and sometimes literally painful moments. But more often than not, I do. And this isn’t because I’m some magical parenting unicorn, it’s because I have a framework!⠀
And it’s a framework that has been helping hundreds of parents, where we make plans for parenting challenges (like tantrums) considering the before/during and after.
When we reframe success from 'something my child never does' to 'when my child does this thing, I can find my calm' we can find success more easily.
Before | During | After
This was the topic of my most recent workshop (which is available for replay through Patreon- You'll see the button below), and has literally helped hundreds of parents have positive transformations in their parenting.
The before and after steps are actually the most important steps, while when we read parenting books, or find tips/strategies on Instagram, we see most of the focus being on the DURING.
The before are things like considering your child's developmental age, knowing how regulated they are due to movement, sleep, food, activity, contact (or lack thereof).
The during is where scripts, language and plans to help our children process their emotions, and learn how to regulate through the presence of a calm co-regulator (US!).
The after is where we can both model restitution and repair for any mistakes that we might have made, and guide our child to reconnect and repair any mistakes they might have made during the dysregulation.